Tough Decision: The Road Less Traveled By

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken)

Indeed, my decision may make all the difference. Or perhaps not. Tonight, I’ve had one of the most difficult discussions I’ve had in my life. In fact, it was not the first time to hold the discussion as it’s been raised at least thrice in past few months. But tonight is different. Whereas the past months have been mere skirmishes, tonight is the pivotal battle that will write history – my history. The result of that battle: my decision not to take the CE board exams.

Expectedly, some of you (as you have in the past) would like to rise up in arms and rally to overturn my decision. Believe me, it was not an easy decision to make. For those of you who have been on the receiving end of my rants, declarations, and defamations, you would probably be all too familiar with my reasons. There are two root causes:

1) Licensure for civil engineers (and, in fact, many other professional roles) is a joke.

Licensure is very important. Licensure determines who are qualified to perform tasks sensitive to the public domain. From doctors, to lawyers, to engineers, to chemists, and others, licensure can help prevent under-qualified and irresponsible individuals from harming or destroying the lives of other people. Although I agree with the objectives of licensure, I don’t agree with the method of examination.

Specifically for CE, we are required to memorise pages and pages of formulas that even practicing engineers with PhD’s probably don’t memorise. No software skills, practical experiences, and critical analysis are needed to be licensed. In effect, it is possible for great engineers not to pass the boards due to weak memory, and for poor engineers to pass due to memory skills, and meta-gaming. (Mike Ross would make an excellent licensed Civil Engineer!)

In the real and future world, platform-based skills may become more important than some branches of mathematics, practical experience determines how an engineer links theory and practice, and critical analysis is probably the most important weapon in an engineers arsenal. Even in UP, professors would say that if we forgot all the formulas they taught us, the most important thing is that we learned how to think.

2) Sadly, I have no plans of practicing as a professional civil engineer.

Reason number 1 is not reason enough not to take the board exams. Is it worth it to jeopardise my engineering career just to be able to hold my silent protest against the system? Of course not – except that I don’t plan to have a career as a civil engineer.

Ever since fourth year college, I have been thinking that I probably took the wrong course. Of CE’s 6 main fields (structural, geotechnical, water resource, construction, environment & energy, and transportation), I was mildly interested in water resource and environment & energy, and greatly interested in transportation. However, it was not in the role of engineering, but more because I am greatly passionate about cities and urban planning. (Long before the Facebook bonanza on traffic and lack of urban planning in the Philippines, but more on that in a future post.) By fifth year, despite founding an org called Engineers Without Borders, I had decided not to practice after graduation. I still want to change the world, but not in the way of a civil engineer.

I felt extremely productive and proud of it – except during review classes.

After graduation, my mom understandably talked to me about it and tried to convince me to still take the boards. Reluctantly, I agreed and gave it a shot. I did not let it consume me, however. The past two months made me feel great – the best I felt in a very long time. I looked forward to all parts of my days – except for the four mornings a week I spent in review class. With every opportunity I had, I studied programming and web development, I read books, I listened to audiobooks, I watched documentaries, I watched TED talks, I read news articles, and I read informative articles. Aside from that, I played futsal once a week, and badminton twice a week. I felt extremely productive and proud of it – except during review classes.

There is a by-product to productivity. That is, I became more conscious about how I spent my time. There are usually only two reasons to do anything: you either want it or you need it. Even acts of charity and sacrifice are effects of you wanting to make a difference, or you needing the feeling of importance (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). Taking the board exam was neither.

Granted, I cannot be certain of the future and having a license is something I can hold on to – an argument most people gave me. Touché. Maybe I am quite indignant, but at this point it seems to me that even if I fail in my future ventures, I don’t think I’ll be considering practicing as a civil engineer as a fallback. If I have no plans of practicing, and I don’t want it, and I (hopefully) won’t need it, why then am I taking it? Ever since June and if I continue on until November, I have been losing a lot of things: my time, my energy, my momentum, my optimism, and more.

My Time, My Energy

Some of you may be thinking, “Just take it! It’s just a few months, and it’s probably not that hard. After all, you’re from UP and an honour student.” Although I appreciate your belief in me, it’s simply not that simple. By my calculation, I have so far spent 200 hours the past 2 months due to review classes. The next two months will require from me another 200 hours in refresher classes, and another 200 hours (surely even more) in personal study time. For much less than 200 hours, I would be able to finish the entire Harvard CS50 course, where I have expanded my skills in C, HTML, CSS, PHP, MySQL, and Javascript. I dare say that programming skills will widen my opportunities (and paycheck) more than a CE license.

Furthermore, being from UP does not make you better. This does not only apply to UP, but to all the “big” universities. Lastly, memory has never been my strong suit. Although, that’s probably my own fault because I’ve chronically lacked sleep since high school. This is something I can and should work on…

My Momentum, My Optimism

Although I have hardly studied for the board exam, it has been draining me. As I mentioned, the past two months have been some of my most productive. With the dangers of overconfidence and conceit, I feel like I can take on the world. Except, wait – I still have boards, which will fully occupy the next two months. Every time I thought about it, I felt depressed – not clinically, but really really crumpled. I don’t think there has ever been anything in my life that I didn’t want to do as much as the boards.

Bets can attest that it has been affecting me emotionally. I would tell anyone who would listen (usually Bets) about how much I hated the boards, how much I didn’t want to take it. Sometimes on a daily basis, I would tell Bets about how sad I felt because of boards. When we went out, I would sometimes rant on-end about it.

Everyone does things they don’t want to do, why can’t I just deal with it?

I realise now that this sounds childish on my part. I’m like a spoiled kid who simply does not want to do something. It’s really not big a deal, I’m just whining, complaining, and lazy to put in the work. I’m having tantrums because I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do. Everyone does things they don’t want to do, why can’t I just deal with it?

I don’t quite know how to answer. I’d like to think I make very valid points. As I’m writing now, I think to myself that I’m not really an emotional person. I’m often timid, rational, and calm. And yet, there is this. The best answer I can think of is that I’m a very ambitious person with big dreams, and taking the boards is a whole lot of time and energy for a whole lot of nothing (to me).

Don’t get me wrong, Civil Engineering. It’s not you; it’s me. One day, I may regret letting you go. You may become the one that got away. If that day comes, I am willing to bear all responsibility for this irresponsibility. And no, it wasn’t all a waste. I don’t think it’s true that my degree is a waste without a license. In the end, I still learned a lot and had experiences that I will cherish.

As explained by John Green (video below), The Road Not Taken is not actually about taking the road less traveled by. More often than not, the road more traveled is more traveled for a reason. Instead, it’s a narrative of the process of decision-making that people often fuss about. Now that I’ve chosen my path, I can’t let the fork in the road continue to trouble me. There is no point in wondering about the other path. The other path is there, and my path is here for I took the one less traveled by, and – for better or for worse – that will make all the difference.

P.S. In truth, I am scared. I am scared to be wrong. I am scared that I will regret my decision. I am scared to be criticised by people for my decision. I am scared by the uncertainty. But I also feel excited. Excited for what I can do tomorrow, and the 400+ hours I have just gained. And also this energy. This optimism that I can take on the world. Wish me luck.

John Green of vlogbrothers: